When Grief Shows Up During the Holidays: Making Space for What Hurts

December carries its own kind of emotional weather. For some, it brings joy, connection, and celebration. But for many, December can stir up something heavier. The season becomes a mirror, reflecting back what’s been lost, what still hurts, and what your body hasn’t had the space to grieve.

And grief? Grief doesn’t care about holiday playlists or cheerful invitations.Grief is like a tide—you can’t schedule it, you can’t negotiate with it, and you can’t out-hustle it. It rises when it’s ready.

Sometimes it shows up when you’re pulling out holiday decorations and find something that belonged to someone you loved.

Sometimes it hits in the grocery store when you pass their favorite snack.

Sometimes it crashes over you in quiet moments—after the kids go to bed, on the drive home, or when you finally sit still.

December can bring up so many kinds of grief, not just the loss of a loved one:

• the grief of estrangement

• the grief of a childhood you never got

• the grief of a breakup, divorce, or separation

• the grief after miscarriage or infertility

• the grief of friendships that faded

• the grief of exhaustion, burnout, or dreams put on hold

• the grief of “being the strong one” for too long

  
  

Grief wears many faces. And all of them deserve care.

This is your reminder: You don’t have to perform joy when your heart is carrying something much heavier.

Below are meaningful ways to honor your grief this December—gently, intentionally, and without shame.

Normalize the Return of Grief: You’re Not Going Backward

Grief moves like waves—not a timeline. December is a meaning-filled month, full of sensory triggers that act like emotional time capsules. A song, a smell, a family ritual… they can pull you back in an instant.

This isn’t regression; it’s remembrance. It’s love finding its way to the surface.

Use this 3-step grounding practice anytime a wave of emotion rises:

Step 1 — Pause.Place your hand over your chest or your stomach. Feel your breath. Don’t rush.

Step 2 — Name what’s happening.

• “This is a grief wave.”

• “My body is remembering.”

• “This is sadness, and I can hold it.”

Naming reduces the intensity and helps your nervous system settle.

Step 3 — Reorient. Look around and name:

• 3 things you can see

• 2 things you can touch

• 1 thing you can hear

This anchors your body in the present moment when your emotions feel like the past.

Say this truth to yourself gently:

“I am not going backwards. I am moving through.”

Release December From Its Expectations and Protect Your Peace

December often asks too much—too much energy, too much cheer, too much pretending. And if you’re grieving, your emotional capacity may feel smaller. That’s not weakness. That’s honesty.

You don’t owe anyone “festive.”You owe yourself alignment.

Use these boundary scripts to protect your peace:

• “I’m keeping my holidays simple this year.”

• “I won’t be attending, but thank you for inviting me.”

• “I’m choosing quieter traditions this season.”

• “I’m taking time for myself right now.”

  
  

No is a full sentence.

And boundaries are your line in the sand—they help you stay present without being pulled past your limits.

Create a Grief Flare-Up Plan

Because emotions show up quickly, especially around family.

Ask yourself:

• Who can I call or text if I need support? 

• What space can I step into if I feel overwhelmed? 

• What is my exit plan if I need to leave early? 

• What reminders help me stay grounded? (Try: “I can take a break.” “I’m allowed to leave.” “My needs matter.”)

Preparation isn’t pessimistic—it’s protective.

Rituals give grief somewhere to go. They allow your feelings to move instead of hardening inside you. They can be soulful, simple, gentle, and deeply grounding.

Here are meaningful rituals to try this December:

Light a Candle for Remembrance

Let the flame represent presence, warmth, connection.As it burns, say a name, a memory, or a word of gratitude.

Write a Letter With No Rules

Write to the person you miss, the version of you who’s hurting, or the dream you lost. Let the ink carry what you haven't been able to speak.

Create an Ancestral or Memory Altar

Include a photo, a candle, a piece of fabric, an object, or something symbolic.This can be a grounding practice rooted in cultural lineage, connection, and honoring.

A Soft-Space Corner

Choose one small area in your home—a chair, a blanket, a low-lit corner.Let this be your emotional landing place when the world feels loud.

Play a Grief + Grounding Playlist

Music can be medicinal.Include songs that soothe, honor, or release emotion.Let your body choose what it needs.

A Sensory-Safe Holiday Plan

Especially if crowds, noise, or overstimulation increase your anxiety:

• reduce time spent in overwhelming environments

• take sensory breaks (bathroom, car, outside air)

• plan one soothing activity after every demanding one
  

Rituals aren’t about forcing healing.They’re about giving your grief a place to exhale.

You Deserve Support, Softness, and a Space to Be Held

If grief has shown up this December, it’s not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of love, memory, and depth. You don’t have to push through it. You don’t have to carry it alone. And you don’t have to be the strong one this season.

You deserve gentleness.You deserve care.You deserve space to feel, remember, and breathe.

If you’re longing for a space where your grief, identity, boundaries, and emotional truth can be held with compassion, therapy for Black women at Cultivate Your Essence can support you through this season.

When you’re ready, we’re here.Your healing has room.Your peace has a place.

Book a session when you feel called. You don’t have to navigate December on your own.